Finding Myself and a Few Other Things

Although I have only been here for about two months, there are a few things I have discovered during my time here in Spain:

Discovery # 1: I have soooooooo much room to grow as a teacher.

So this is not so much a discovery as it is an affirmation of a sneaking suspicion that I had last year. After getting into my first few courses with my new students I discovered how difficult it is to create lesson plans, execute those lesson plans, and subsequently augment those lesson plans when your kids look at you like what you’re teaching them is the lamest OR the most confusing thing in the world. Having a good amount of resources and teachers to give me pointers at Glendale is dearly missed. All that said, I haven’t exactly bombed in any of my lessons, I’ve just been learning…discovering, if you will, where I need to grow.

Discovery # 2: Money is not everything…not even close…but it’s something

Oh, money. I haven’t had much of it the past 7 years of my life and the bit I have had has belonged (and still does) to the U.S. government. Coming here some things have been difficult throughout the transition process. One of these things has involved the initial lack of income that became ever so apparent each day. I noticed how I have become accustomed to viewing things as guarantees in life…food, comfort, money for leisure, etc. When my budget gets even somewhat close to challenging the “norm” of what I am used to, it’s amazing how both my pride and my perspective are affected. I realize that salad dressings and ice cream are not too high on the priority list when compared to bread and eggs. I am reminded that I need to keep in mind how much money I have for rent when I go out to enjoy a night in the exciting (sometimes pricy) city of Madrid. But still, when I come home that same night and lay in my bed with a blanket and pillow…I know that there is so much that I have to be thankful for and how truly far from poverty I am. As low as my bank account has gotten I have never had to worry about where I was going to sleep that night…or IF I was going to eat rather than WHAT I was going to eat. I think it is so vital to firstly keep in mind what we have been blessed with and secondly to take advantage of where we are and what we have been given. Time is short. Money is fleeting. Life is now.



Discovery # 3: I need Jesus.

Ok, so I’m cheating again. This wasn’t really a discovery either, but I got hit in the face so hard with this when I came here that it had to be mentioned. When people have asked me if I liked being here or not I have answered yes every time. However, that does not mean that the transition has been easy. I have definitely enjoyed so much of this experience already; the people I have met, learning the culture, the (mini) adventures I have gone on inside of Madrid. Again, these things have come tandem with many difficulties as well; the language barrier, making friends, living on a limited amount of money, finding work, learning how to teach, learning my way around the city, figuring out what I’m doing next year…figuring out what I’m doing with my life. Every time I am met with hardship, however, I am reminded that the source of my joy…the reason that I live…my true purpose in life is still right there. I told one of my friends that one of the things that has kept joy in my heart has been knowing that no matter how terrible things go here in Madrid or how few friends I find here, I can be comforted by the fact that I have a home back in Cincinnati. I have friends in the U.S. that I love with all of my heart that would welcome me back and love me. I am comforted by the fact that there is more than the here and now. I always have something to hold on to.
This is magnified one hundred fold when applied to life and my relationship with Jesus. There are many days when I am tired of the routine, tired of being single, tired of looking for an identity or a purpose or a place where I fit in. But, I know that no matter how difficult or tiresome life gets or how lonely and out of place I feel I will always have a home. I will always have someone that loves me. I don’t have to act a certain way. I don’t have to gain approval. I don’t have to earn anything. I am loved. And I am His.

Discovery # 4: Spain is not (probably not) HOME

I have only been here for two months, so I think it’s a bit too early to call this a complete discovery. There are many things about home that I miss. Firstly, I would have to say I miss the comfort. I usually had a nice bed to go home to with big comfortable blankets. I had a television and air conditioning. I had a dryer to dry my clothes on so they were soft and warm instead of dry and itchy when I put them on. When I wanted to find something I’d know where to find it and it was usually close. Here a lot of times I have no idea where to find what I want. I’m not sure if it’s cheaper (and probably is) somewhere else. And, I might have at least a 15 minute walk or a 15 minute metro ride to get there.
Secondly, the other big thing I miss is just accessibility to certain things. There are things like; cranberry juice, Neutrogena products, raisins, peanut butter, Pandora radio, watching the NBA or Football, Skyline Chili, Chipotle…I could go on but for my own sake I need to stop.
Thirdly, of course are the people. One of my faults in life has been not being able to let people go and wanting to fix problems that I can’t fix. Being in a different country has forced me to put the problems of my family and friends in God’s hands where they’re supposed to be, but has also made it harder to deal with when someone I love IS having a tough time. That added to the fact that it’s always hard to make friends initially. I made a few friends fairly quick here, but of course they don’t compare to the relationships I have back home.
All that said I’m not sure if these feelings are just due to the process of moving to another country or if I actually want to be back in the States. I’m not sure just yet…not just yet.



Discovery # 5: I don’t know what I want in life.

So this is something that most people figure out early in life but it’s taken me a while. I know a few things: I know I want to serve Jesus. I know I want to help people. I know I want to be around people I love that love me back. And, I know I want to get married (someday). Other than that, I’m not sure what the heck I want. I have no clue what kind of job I want to do. I have no idea where I want to live. I can’t even figure out if I like some things or not. Take teaching for instance: This is something I’m somewhat good at. I love kids. I would be able to coach. The whole summer break would be an added bonus (I know you hate to hear this one teachers but I can’t deny that it does make it all the more appealing). But still, in the end if I’m being truly honest, I would have to say that it’s not something that I would wake up in the morning and say “I can’t wait to go to work today!” Does this happen? Do people REALLY find jobs that they’re passionate about? If they do, are they just lucky or did they work to get there somehow? I have passions but I have yet to figure out how to mold them into a profession. They’re either not applicable to the workforce or I’m not good enough at them to do them professionally.
But guys, this discovery that I DON’T know what I want was actually a pretty big step. I have been doing the same things for so long (school, working out, hangin out with friends, working whatever job I happened to be working at at the time) that I just assumed that this was what I was supposed to be doing. Not that there’s anything wrong with those things, but were my time and money and energy being utilized to pursue the things that I ACTUALLY want in life, that I actually will find joy in? I told a friend that it’s not so much that I don’t know what I want…it’s just that I don’t know where 1. What I want. 2. What’s realistic and 3.What God wants meet. So, realizing that I don’t know these things has made me take a step back and look…and think…and pray…and hopefully eventually find myself.

My First Steps

Even as I sat in the train station waiting for my "train to adventure" to arrive, I expected something to go wrong. I have grown to doubt and even expect sometimes that things will not work out the way I want them to. Many times this has turned out for the best: not getting the job and getting a perfect one instead (I'm talkin about you Glendale), halting a (who knows) possible successful run at basketball because of a freak elbow injury to instead being able to devote a good amount of time to people I love, never hearing a clear calling from God as to what the heck I'm doing here...to instead being able to live each day in faith; waking up, breathing in the new day and never expecting or wanting more than what is there. But this time, I (foolishly perhaps) didn’t want to be shown an alternate thing, even if it turned out to be better. SPAIN had been pacing back in forth for a year and a half in waiting and I was ready to tell it to sit down and relax. “I’m on my way”. Perhaps it isn't even Spain. Maybe it's just change, opportunity, adventure...or just the chance to have something to make mine. I have no wife, children or career that I can call my own. Stepping off of the plane I in some way felt as though I had my own story, my own existence. But it happened. A train ride, two flights and a cab ride and I am breathing in Spanish air.

I am in Spain.




So my buddy Kevin and I chose to use our daytime for apartment hunting, church hunting, looking at Skype, and finding info about the city and our school. At night, we WALKED. We walked all over the city till our feet hurt (literally, we didn’t even use the metro until we had already been in Madrid for two weeks). We got lost and argued about which direction was north at least once each night, going from street to street each one jutting diagonally to the other. Waiting around the next corner could very well be a beautiful park with multiple fountains and ancient statues or an abundance of lights and people eating tapas or a string of shops and stores selling just about anything you could possibly want. I will say despite it being cliché that this city is alive only because if it can be applied to any city it is certainly this one. Dinner doesn’t even happen until at least 9:00 on weekdays and 11:00 on Friday and Saturday. Bars are EVERYWHERE and are about as diverse as they are numerous. There are karaoke bars, discotheque bars, Jazz bars, tapas bars,salsa bars,flamenco bars, traditional Spanish bars, and Irish pubs. And there are just as many restaurants as bars; paella, churros, gazpacho, kabob, pasta, shrimp, tapas and more. Every night is an opportunity to eat, drink and have a night on the town. The city really doesn’t ever sleep (except on Sundays). My instructor here told me that people almost never walk alone and that you will get the least amount of sleep in your life while living in Madrid. I have found both to be true.



Within the first few days of apartment searching, a man had an ad for a two bedroom apartment in a good location in the city. We of course sent him a reply in interest. Initially he seemed very legit. He gave us the address of the apartment, offered to show us papers that he legally owned the place and even told us a little info about himself and his family. The only problem was that he no longer lived in Madrid. His job took him and his family to London so we would have to mail him the 500 Euro deposit before he would send us the keys. This of course didn’t fly. I suggested that he send the keys to a friend or lawyer here in the city and then we could give them the money. He never once addressed this option. He even got pretty aggressive and angry in his words telling me that he was getting tired of “all of these e-mails back and forth!” and saying “if you can’t have trust in this world, what can you have!” Howbout 500 Euros? We kicked him to the curb and went back into the tiresome and frustrating search for a somewhat cheap, somewhat comfortable, somewhat close apartment. We eventually found a great studio for two people for 800 (utilities included [more pics on facebook]) a month in the heart of the city. It’s not a palace but its home for now. And we didn’t get scammed out of money we didn’t have to lose (a few of our classmates weren’t so lucky).

My classes to get certified to teach English started on the 28th. They last from 9:30 to 3:00 which isn’t terribly long and we have several breaks throughout the day which makes it feel like it’s going a little faster. We have covered teaching methods (both good and bad), public speaking, common difficulties for teachers and students of English, and LOTS of grammar. I had assumed that I would be ok with my knowledge of grammar because I practically majored in it and I have done reasonably well, but I’ve certainly built up a considerable amount of rust that needed to be scrubbed off. The teaching methods portion has been really awesome too. When I worked at Glendale I felt very under qualified and obviously lacking experience going into the year. Luckily I had a sweet staff that was merciful when I made a mistake or when I just didn’t know what the heck I was doing. So this has been really helpful as far as giving me at least a little educational instruction. I’m gonna get my first students two weeks from now. I have 3 sessions scheduled so far. The oldest kid is seven and the youngest one is three. I’m not exactly sure yet what my lesson plans are going to involve but I’m thinking they’re going to have lots of pictures, crafts, singing, dancing and coloring which I have to admit I’m kinda excited (and a bit nervous) about. For some reason having my one year of experience working with the muchachos at Glendale didn’t shake all of the jitters out of my system.

As you know my first two loves are Jesus and basketball so I wanted to get plugged in as soon as possible to both of em. I just recently found a basketball league that plays every Sunday and practices every Wednesday. The talent level isn’t spectacular but hey I get to feel the leather on my fingertips and work up a sweat at least twice a week. I’ve also found two churches (one English speaking and one Spanish speaking) to go to. I’ll go to the Spanish one this weekend for the first time. I went to the English speaking one this past Tuesday. It was a sort of house church thing with a dinner and the whole shabang. It seemed pretty cool.

That’s all for now homies. Despite having a great time here, I miss you all so much I try not to think about it. Skype isn’t working all that great lately but I’ll continue to try to call and I’ll certainly be in touch by e-mail. Let me know what’s goin on on your end. Till next time.



Geeze